Windows 7 Whopper

Of course! What a natural combination! An operating system and a mammoth burger. The number 7. Oh, it’s Burger King and it’s in Japan! It all makes sense now. To celebrate the worldwide launch of Windows 7, Microsoft felt like roping Burger King for a weird promotion, available only in the burger-loving–and-tech-loving—country of Japan. For 7 days, all those who enter a BK in Japan will be able to sink their teeth into this outrageous 7-patty burger, called the Windows 7 Whopper for the not-so-reasonable price of 777 Yen (about $8.50 USD). Who thinks up these cross promotions?

The woman in this CNN piece looks a little embarrassed to be taking a break from her normal business news beat. Who can blame her? She informs us that the 2,100 calories that this burger packs is basically a sane person’s normal allotment, and that the Whopper has about 791 grams of meat (just under a kilo, which is about 2.2 lbs.). Yet for a reporter who can fire off Nikkei index figures with the best of them, she doesn’t give us the real numbers that matter here.

Sure, it’s a gimmicky move for BK to be competing with McDonalds overseas to see who can make the world’s kids fatter, by not only making portions larger and larger, but also by inventing sacrilegiously-unacceptable items such as this or, as the clip shows us, the new McDonalds’ McHotDog.

McDonalds makes you fat

Come on, Kyung Lah, fess up. There’s no way this monstrous, greasy mess is merely 2,120 calories. I just did the research on the BK Double Whopper with cheese. That sucker has 1,061 calories and 68 grams of fat, of which 28 are saturated fat. Just add five more patties –don’t forget the cheese–, and add the fries and Coke that come with it and you’d think BK Japan stores would have a defibrillator handy just in case you feel that nagging chest pain coming on during a ketchup dip of your French fry midway through.

But Kyung Lah also doesn’t want to be the food police anyways –nor does Wolf Blitzer, who is content to have a human interest story to wrap up his dull chat fest. Ugh. Who needs to talk about General McChrystal’s plan for our troops in Afghanistan or a swine flu emergency in the US when we have an embarrassingly obscene burger to export to the world –and to Japan, where apparently gimmicks are either welcome or still a dime a dozen.Nasty Ass BK Hamburger Windows 7

And to deliver this point, this next clip shows the utter idiocy of stuffing your mouth with this Whopper Burger, to the befuddlement (or laughter) of others. There is just no way to put this in your mouth; hell, you can’t even stand it up with all that crappy iceberg lettuce falling down. This dude takes this as some of noble challenge and he fails completely. After a pathetic 20 minutes and adding a superfluous amount of ketchup on top of the meat from several packets, much of the burger is still uneaten. In fact, it looks like it’s been stepped on. Lame!

Wait! There’s more. Would you believe the Whopper 7 actually is in the US? Check out this bearded dweeb below. He went to Gizmodo and found out about the Microsoft burger in Japan, printed out the article, and went to his Wisconsin BK and they gladly prepared the 7-patty monster for him –all of while wearing a “Seussical!” t-shirt from his DC Edison High School production last year. (We think he did the lighting.) Not only does he make Wisconsin proud, and really all of America, but this guy actually does finish the burger.

The comments from his bud as he watches this slow death are amusing, but we don’t think you actually need to watch the whole clip on a full stomach. (Is he farting at 4:34 as he loses a patty?) Even after the BK lady rewards him with a little bag of cookies and a crown at the end, you have to know he went into cardiac arrest on his way out. Awesome, dude.

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