Jon Gosselin PWNED!

Your life has to really be in the proverbial toilet if the voice of reason who is pwning you on national TV is none other than Nancy Grace. And that most pathetic of  all-American tools is the greasy, tight-Ed-Hardy-untucked-shirt-with-the flip-flops Jon Gosselin. His handlers apparently think nothing of going from TV program to TV program, from Larry King Live to The Insider and others, to tell his side of his very public split from his wife, the erstwhile Kate Gosselin.


They were the ones with the “Plus 8” kids, and those cute little mongrels have, over the past few years, made them and TLC a whole load of money as reality stars. Only now, as all of America has been relentlessly informed these past few months, Jon and Kate are no longer together, and their public, pathetic saga has been played out in the media. Gosselin Life in Toilet

A few weeks ago, Jon decided to host a pool party full of babes in Vegas. This after he decided to run off to the French Riviera with his new 22-year-old homewrecker of a girlfriend and daughter of his wife’s plastic surgeon.

While there were rumors that Kate herself was getting too cozy with her own married bodyguard, it has become clear that Jon has become the most unhinged and unsympathetic of the two, leave aside the fact that he essentially also left behind his children to pursue other more compelling carnal and material pleasures. Yes, it is an ugly tale and once again, desperate Americans, whether they were “Jon and Kate Plus 8” fans or not, are lapping up each and every moment of their tacky and lurid dirty laundry on their supermarket stands and on the  chat-fest talk shows.

The latest gauntlet throw-down was Jon’s demand that all production stop of the TLC show, in the name of protecting his children. That came after it was announced that the frequently-absent Jon was being kicked off the show, and that the show would be called “Kate Plus 8”. Then over the weekend, Jon also apparently withdrew more than $200,000 from the joint bank account, leaving Kate with only $1000. A tearful Kate went on the “Today” show on Monday morning, complaining to Meredith Viera that Jon is getting bad advice from people and that she didn’t think she would see the day that she couldn’t pay her bills. All this in a hushed segment sandwiched between reports of bomb attacks in Pakistan and an update from Dr. Nancy on the H1N1 vaccine.

Plus 8

So what does it take for Jon Gosselin to keep his publicity tour going, if for no other reason that he is trying to tell his side of the story?  But there is no story really, except to continue his rants that Kate is a control freak, etc., all of which seem to eliminate any possibility that they can work out their marriage somehow, which will of course affect their eight children.

NooseBut that doesn’t seem to faze Jon. Here, in an unbelievably stupid career move, he has decided to sit on a “panel” of that most newsworthy of all news shows, “The Insider”, along with his fussy lawyer and answer questions. That is, until Nancy Grace, weighs in and decides to lay right into Jon’s face and wither him like no one on TV has. Nancy, as you know, is the helmet-head who grandstands nightly on her horrific show on HLN. She somehow got an invite from “Insider” host Lara Spencer and Nancy wasn’t about to miss out on this.

Watch as rhinestone-stud-clad Jon cannot even get a word in as Nancy assails him for all the arguing with his wife in front of his children when they really should be working on their marriage. “You talk the talk, but you don’t walk the walk!”, Grace admonishes, pointing her finger as the other “Insider” hosts just sit there, with serious expressions, as if they’re sitting at a wake. But no matter! Nancy is here to completely railroad the show, talk above everyone else and, oddly enough, utter what most of America thinks about this guy anyways. Lara and her fellow “Insider” staff are just here to sit back and watch this trainwreck and look concerned. They’d much rather know what happened when Brad called Jen over to his hotel in Manhattan for another one of their “secret meetings”.

Finally, can someone tell me who made Niecy Nash an expert on the Gosselin kids’ needing therapy? Isn’t this the same woman who played sassy Raineesha Williams, filing her French nails during morning meetings, on “Reno 911” or who scolded messy homeowners on the Style Network’s “Clean House”? How did she get invited to this “serious” discussion? But again –and we know it’s hard to say this—we must leave the last word to Miss Nancy, who in the final seconds, crushes Jon’s face with a dig at his own self-centeredness.

Jon Gosselin Eyes

Reduced to silence and obvious pwn-age, he is left tattered and withered, left to lie there in the pond-scum of not just the mistakes he has made, but in the spectacle that “The Insider” and other info-tainment shows continue to exploit with the Gosselins.

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