Why We Say ‘Thanks’ to Sarah Palin

Monday, November 24th, 2008 | SMASH Politics with

Palin Turkey

Someone definitely has it out for Sarah Palin. Come on. First, the nasty backbiting while she was John McCain’s running mate, about how she was going “rogue” and acting like a “diva”. Then, the leak about how she and her family ran up a $150,000 tab at Needless Markup and Saks, all the while acting, according to how it was printed, like “redneck hillbillies”. Then, just days after Election Day, Fox News (Fox News!) reported that McCain staffers were dumping on her about what a rotten candidate she was –not knowing that Africa was a continent, how she refused any prep before the trainwreck Katie Couric interview, etc., all of which made her mad, calling the press “stinkers” and “cowards” for having all this stuff come out the way it did.

Poor Sarah Palin. She can’t seem to catch a break. Even last week, when she went on some kind media blitz, appearing on CNN with Wolf Blitzer or on Today with Matt Lauer, you’d think she was still trying to bask in the glow of remaining a viable lightning rod, and possible GOP candidate in 2012, or whatever. Appearing at the National Governor’s Association meeting in Florida, she was not shy about speaking into a microphone. Yet even as she had no formal speech or appearance scheduled on the program, apparently some governors found her grandstanding and media-hogging act a bit much. I guess she figures that in a few weeks she will pretty much have to hibernate for the winter in Alaska, far away from the 48 contiguous states, and not be heard from for a while. Doesn’t she
have
a shotgun
wedding to organize
for next spring
Doesn’t she have a shotgun wedding to organize for next spring –you know, her knocked-up daughter Britney Bristol, and her soon-to-be redneck son-in-law Levi Johnston?

That’s where Our Country Deserves Better PAC comes in. Yes, a Political Action Committee, as in “we need some money to keep our operation running”, and one headed by a former (as in, hasn’t been in office since 2000) Congressman from California, Howard Kaloogian. According to the bio on the organization’s website, Kaloogian, an Armenian-American, considers Ronald Reagan to be “his greatest political hero” and “has worked with an array of national conservative leaders on a host of pertinent public policy issues facing America”. Another fine member of this PAC is token Black Lloyd Marcus, a “passionate and patriotic American who has been a leader in the fight for common sense conservative values”. Always looking for a way to score a few bucks, Marcus, who describes himself on his website as a “master singer, great entertainer, fun emcee, event planner and consultant, entertainment producer and songwriter”, has even penned what is virtually a love song to Sarah Palin called “Sarah Smile”. Yes, as in the old 1976 Hall & Oates chestnut, that has been reworked into an ode for the gun-toting hockey MILF from Alaska. Tell me if you don’t feel like throwing up in your mouth a bit when you hear this guy croon these priceless, if mangled, lyrics:

Her qualifications
Are plain to see
And when it comes to character
She really moves me
So let’s go and pull the lever
Sarah smile
And won’t smile a while for me
Sarah
She’ll drill for oil
And keep taxes low
Don’t have to wait until tomorrow
Make us energy free
You know, she’s got the guts to say so
She stands for freedom and liberty
And when it comes to her country
She feels like you and me
You better go and pull the lever
Sarah smile

Happy slave Marcus was apparently trotted out a lot on the McCain/Palin campaign trail to sing this to elderly white women or College Republicans bake sales. So why didn’t we hear about this before? And why didn’t Hall and Oates sue, or else get their moment of publicity as well? Oh yeah, this is Hall & Oates and not Springsteen or Coldplay. Got it.

Back to the Our Country folks. Apparently, almost three weeks after the election, after licking some pretty serious wounds in the wake of lost seats in the House and Senate, they decided that Palin still deserves our thanks for all that she has endured over the past few months. Maybe the clincher was the not-so-surprising news this past week that “Mr. Pork” Senator Ted Stevens was finally informed that he would lose his 40-year-old hold on his Senate seat, in a narrow race now won by Democrat Mark Begich. Maybe all those who bow to the Nine West-clad feet of Sarah Palin saw their hopes that Stevens, 85 years young and now a criminal, would be replaced if he won the race but before he got hauled off to the federal slammer, by the Governor herself. There was even speculation that Palin, fine specimen that she is, would have appointed herself to represent Alaska in the US Senate. Wait! There’s hope. She may run in 2010.

To help keep her in the hearts of conservative, God-fearing Americans around the country, the Our Country folks decided to put this video out to express a deep appreciation for serving “with a servant’s heart”. Her “advocacy” is deemed “passionate, hopeful and articulate” and that her conservative values represent “common sense”. Various folk appear, clad in dacron or short-sleeved shirts, extolling all that is great about Palin. Even Marcus, whose voice is a little too high, joins in, saying that she remained strong “even when some tried to smear and destroy you”. Huh? What is he talking about? Who’s smearing whom? Didn’t they fund a whole host of anti-Obama TV smear ads that linked him up to Bill Ayers? Wasn’t it Palin, who prattled on and on in speeches about Obama “palling around with terrorists” or making proto-racist remarks that he “wasn’t one of us”. (Wonder what that makes “fun emcee” and professional Black Lloyd Marcus.) As for the remark in the video by Kaloogian about politicians “letting us down”, again, how is it that Palin has any more integrity than anyone else? Why, whenever the liberal media (or the right wing media!) exposes the words that come out of Palin’s mouth –all of which is fair game nowadays–, do the Bible-thumpers decide that that their views are being distorted? Does Sarah Palin not have a mouth that works? Was she simply never prepared to utter clear sentences? Why can she do no wrong? Because she decided to bring her baby to term? Because she has a son fighting the terrorists in Iran? Because she has spunk? You decide as you watch this lovefest:

And of course, timing is everything. On the same day that Our Country released this “Thank You” video, another video surfaced, but this time it was a live feed from just outside Wasilla, AK, the Governor’s hometown. Apparently the trite yearly tradition of “pardoning” a turkey before Thanksgiving that the President does in the White House’s Rose Garden has also made its way to Alaska, or maybe Palin’s newfound fame made this event a reality up north as well. Only this time it wasn’t the Governor’s mansion. It was outside the Triple D Farm and Hatchery, and Palin, with Starbucks holiday coffee cup in hand, is blathering on and on about what she’s thankful for, how the government is in people’s lives, blah blah, and about what she’ll be doing come Thursday with all the holiday fixins. In what is now a video that almost 2 million people have seen around the world, try to revel in the fact that –hey everybody!—we don’t make this stuff up. Her stupidity and empty head are there for everyone to see. How can she possibly be so wrapped up in her droning so as to not notice that the Triple D worker in the back is out there slaughtering a plump turkey? Does she not hear the death throes of the turkey’s head being mangled and blood being drained into those plastic vats? Does she stop and realize this may not be what viewers of local station KTUU (and the rest of the world) need to see?  Does the guy even stop?

Thank you, Sarah Palin and please continue to locate those microphones. We are thankful for the ground you walk on, the values you represent, and the fact that you can’t wait to tell us about them every chance you get. We are grateful for you, for you are the gift that keeps on giving.

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